Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just gift wrapped bread.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
