just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
