dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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