hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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