If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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