i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
