he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
