I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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