True but thats because hes a fetus.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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