Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
