I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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