It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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