oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
