Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
