The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
