Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
