My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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