i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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