where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
