hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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