we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
