apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
