shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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