Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
