God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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