I accidentally burped into my bong.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All I want is dick and wine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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