just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
they need to just BURY HIM!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
