his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
