Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
