genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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