I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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