Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
