you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
