His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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