Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
