If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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