I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
