You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That's when you crack a 10am beer
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
