i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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