Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize