I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
