it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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