I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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