Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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