TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
