True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
