So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
