I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
