girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
