After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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