is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
