I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
