When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
