I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
