I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize