Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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