For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
