I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
