3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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