Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
