Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
