oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
