Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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